Lying liars who lie.

Obviously I’ve been AWOL from blogging since Kansas City. In short, I’m supposed to keep a fairly low profile while I’m on this current assignment. I figured that my Facebook and Instagram are private enough that it won’t cause any problems, but blogging got put on the back burner. Also I had way too much to talk about and not enough time to write it all. SO there’s that.

But I am a lying liar who lies and who wanted to be better at this whole thing this year. Oh well.

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So the reason for poking my head out of the cave I’ve been in is that I got this text from my aunt this morning. I called her up and explained the whole deal, but promised at least one blog post from a thing that happened to me last night. For the record, it’s lovely here. I’m homesick, but I’m making the most of this whole thing and so far I have no real complaints. 

I have no problem admitting this: one of the ways I’ve been meeting people is Tinder. Whatever. It’s a thing and I have yet to meet a complete psychopath. I’ll probably come up with a post of the screenshots of some of the ridiculous messages that have been sent to me.

Disclaimer: the following story is the first time I’ve actually ever pulled any of this on a date.

This one dude sent me a message and said, “hey would you like to go rock climbing sometime? There’s a rock wall at the rec center on campus and I thought we could go.” Sure. It’s in public and if I need rescuing I’m sure there’s about 10 fine southern young men who would come to my rescue. I didn’t say that. Don’t worry.

We met up at the Rec Center on campus. Right away I knew this was going to be 50 Shades of Awkward and Uncomfortable. The dude was not dressed to climb (wearing cargo pants and a long sleeve black shirt) and he was drinking coffee. First of all, we are in the south and it was NOT the day for that outfit, sir. Second, you don’t drink coffee when you’re about to do any kind of physical activity. #amateurhour

Since he’s a student, he was able to sign me into the Rec Center, but not before over complicating some random process to pay for me to get in. It was $5 — we could have just gone to the Dunkin Donuts, three minutes away (I don’t even run and I could have been there and back in that amount of time) but no, this guy had to make it all kinds of complicated and put some sort of specific “bucks” that colleges have and pay for me to get in that way. You know those people who unnecessarily explain everything they’re doing to people who actually don’t care about what they’re doing? That was him. I could feel the annoyance from the girls sitting at the front desk of this Rec Center. Poor guy.

Most people who know me also know my stud muffin of a brother, Weston. Okay. I possibly had a really unfair advantage on this whole date thing because my brother happens to be a big time climber. He even has one of those things that you put high up on your wall to work on your grip. Ask him about it. Any guy I’ve ever brought home who has used that particular bathroom is like “yeah I can do pull ups on this thing.” No you can’t. Weston and his friends can, but you cannot.

WE GET TO THE ROCK WALL and of course there are forms to fill out. Did that. Got my harness on, and my shoes. Of course the dude looked at me while I’m doing all that and said, “so you like, really know what you’re doing.” Not really at all, I just have common sense and can figure out a harness. “I don’t think I’ve been climbing for like, three or four years.” Oh God. What have I gotten myself into.

I climbed first. Wasn’t a big deal. I know enough to keep my body as close to the wall as possible because it makes it just slightly easier to get yourself places… This guy did not know that. I actually had a better conversation with the random hot dude that was also climbing while we were. My date was on the wall trying to figure out what he was doing (and doing this real awkward lean back thing that just was NOT helping his case at all), and I was telling hot guy about Weston and all that. Hot guy mistook what I was saying and thought my date was my brother, then my boyfriend, then my really good friend. Then I told him we were on our first date. “And how’s it going?” Notttttt fantastic. “Poor guy, and you just totally set him up to fail with your suggestion for his next climb.” I know right? Oops.

I climbed one more wall, and actually attempted to follow a path. Of course I picked one that was WAY above my skill level. My arms still hurt. Hah.

I’m not even kidding, as this date was starting I knew I would need intervention. There was zero chemistry and apparently I wasn’t clear when I said I was from California? He managed to make my responses to his questions confusing and I was just like bro these answers are fairly straightforward if you actually pay attention. My beautiful Taylor Blaise did a sister a solid and SOS called me that she needed me to come over because she was crying and needed comfort. He didn’t NEED to know that she was in California… Thankfully this was one of those situations where we agreed to meet up, not him come fetch me and whisk me away. I hauled ass to get my harness and shoes off and get my butt in my car. He walked me out and we hugged goodbye and he hasn’t sent me a text since. #notmyfuturehusband

All in all, you win some and you lose some. I wouldn’t call it the worst date ever, but it was definitely the most awkward.

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