It’s goin’ down, I’m yellin’


Bet you weren’t expecting that one. It’s been a hot minute since my last post, and if you don’t remember it, don’t worry. It’s not really worth remembering. I had a way too human moment and let the world know it. In general, I don’t consider myself an angry person, there are just times that people say and do things which can set a fire that I don’t know how to control. Prime example would be not quite two months ago when someone I had dated decided to cross a line he probably didn’t know (or cared) existed. Don’t get me wrong, I needed to write it — I just didn’t need to hit publish.

All that to say, this is finally the Tinder post I’ve been meaning to write. I’ve had it in my head for about a year, but anything I ever had to say about it didn’t seem good enough. However, I think I’ve found the thing.

People give me a lot of crap about using Tinder. For those of you who have no idea how it works because you’re either married or just living in the stone ages: The premise of the whole thing is like a game (that’s what I assume “Keep Playing” means whenever I get a match) where you base everything off a first impression. The only way you can message someone is if you both “like” each other, and there’s no way you can know if someone didn’t “like” you. Normal dating sites want all sorts of information; age, ethnicity, occupation, what you’re looking for, religious affiliation… And anyone can talk to you. Which leads to a lot of messages from people you would probably never consider going on a date with. Sorry boys and girls, but it’s the darn truth.

Tinder only gives you 500 characters for a bio and six slots for photos. It’s basically like meeting someone in a bar, without the bar. It’s purely based on immediate attraction. Okay sure, a lot of people use Tinder to find a last minute hook up — and to those people I just select “unmatch” because most of the time they just aren’t funny or interesting and no thank you. Oh, there’s probably so many people who are going to have a problem with that premise. Forget the fact that there’s still this weird stigma with online dating. Which is a thing that boggles my mind, we live in a digital age, hop on freakin’ board. Apparently a person needs to meet a ridiculous set of standards just for a first date, even if they’ve known each other for any extended period of time. No. I keep the same rules for my dating life as I do for getting some of my photography clients. If I like someone, I tell them. (If I think you’d make for pretty pictures, I’m going to tell you I want you in front of my camera. Wanna know what that success rate is like? Ridiculous.) It’s 2015 people, let’s give boldness a more of a shot.

Remember the shitty dates I went on last year in North Carolina? Yeah those were the results of OkCupid — one of those “super thorough” online dating outlets. I’ve been on my fair share of Tinder dates, but they haven’t gotten blog posts. Why is that? In general, those dates go a hell of a lot better than you’d expect. I think the reason for it is you’re FORCED to actually figure out what the other person is like.

The only true Tinder failure I’ve ever had was the most recent ex boyfriend. My rules usually are: if they don’t have anything written in their bio, it’s probably not someone I’m going to have much interest in, but I’ll give them a shot. He did not have anything written, but he was engaging enough in conversation.

Whatever, we all saw how that went down in flames.

I’ve had my fair share of stupid and inappropriate messages from guys who seemed like they might be alright and then turned out to be TOTAL assholes. On the real, you assholes of Tinder, would you say those things to your mother? Would she be proud of the way you speak to women?

In general, this app wins. And yes, sometimes it’s a nice little stroke to my ego when I’m having a bloated hormonal day.

My favorite thing is the guys with creative bios. Most of the guys on there are convinced that no girls read them. I DO.

Some highlights:

  • “You might know me as Dr. Drake Ramoray on Days of Our Lives.” How you doin’?
  • “Much to my discredit I am not creative or quippy. So my opening line on here sucks. Sorry ladies.” Honesty, I like it.
  • “If life gives you lemons, I’ll have a cherry coke. Nerdy from everything from Star Wars to comics to random movies.” Oh yes random thought processes I can get on board with.
  • “Likes: dogs, traveling & campfires. Dislikes: paper cuts, cold butter & getting my socks wet. Please no women that are actually ghosts, I had a bad experience once. No hookups or hookdowns (which I hear are the new thing.) In fact I would like to go on record as saying I want nothing to do with any hooks of any kind. If you’re into hooks ladies, then please swipe left and keep on walking.” So much conversation potential where do I even start.

Tinder is how I met Chris in North Carolina, the marine who helped completely reform my idea that most all marines were just terrible brainwashed drones of men who wanted to hurt me. Since Chris was also from California, we bonded over our love for Chipotle and all things random and competitive. It’s how I met Brandon and his dog Brody and was properly introduced to Game of Thrones. It’s actually how I ended up in a group hangout at a bar near my apartment in Wilmington where I met Andy, who introduced me to some of the most incredible kind souls I never could know existed.

98% of the people I’ve met through this silly little app have healed my soul. I know it’s crazy to think that Jesus works through dating, let alone a dating app that wasn’t intended for such purpose, but I’m totally convinced it was the little crack in the door I needed to find the people who remind me that life is beautiful. Seriously, you guys, I’ve met some incredible human beings through that stupid app. I’ve also had some pretty fantastic first dates. Some of them just went nowhere, some have turned into something rather amazing.

I have a friend who said something I like: the most romantic part about life is finding and falling in love with friends. The friends I met through this crazy app are people I love like you wouldn’t believe.

So you can either focus on the 2% failure or the 98% success rate. I’m not even measuring success by anything other than meeting really cool people who make me laugh and who are generally awesome all around. If you’re single and you’re not on it, try it. I double dog dare you.


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